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Paid to Poop Calculator

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime — that's why I poop on company time. So how much do you actually earn on the toilet?

Updated · Sources

You earn on the toilet each year

$2,667

Your title: Porcelain Portfolio Manager

That's a new phone a year. Passive income your boss doesn't know about.

  • Hours a year on the company toilet86.7 hrs
  • Paid days off, in effect10.8 days
  • Lattes you could buy485
  • Lunches you could buy222
  • Large pizzas you could buy140

Estimated at $5.50 per latte, $12 per lunch, and $19 per large pizza.

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$0.00

0:00・$0.009 per second

Your pay

$/yr

days

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Your bathroom habits

min

Scrolling your phone counts

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Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime…

…that's why I poop on company time. The old rhyme turns out to be math. Two 10-minute trips a day doesn't sound like much, but over a year it adds up to about 86.7 hours — roughly 10.8 paid days off. On a $64,000 salary (the calculator's default), that's about $2,667, or 485 lattes.

How it's calculated

  • Hourly rate = annual salary ÷ 12 ÷ (workdays per week × 52 ÷ 12 × hours per day)
  • Bathroom hours per year = minutes per visit × visits per day × workdays per week × 52 ÷ 60
  • Paid to poop per year = hourly rate × bathroom hours per year
  • Paid days off = bathroom hours per year ÷ hours per day

Daily bathroom time is capped at your full workday. Conversions use estimates of $5.50 per latte, $12 per lunch, and $19 per large pizza; prices vary a lot by city.

Your title

  • $0: Squeaky Clean
  • Under $500: Amateur Time Thief
  • $500 to $1,500: Professional Paid Pooper
  • $1,500 to $3,500: Porcelain Portfolio Manager
  • $3,500 and up: Chief Throne Officer

Is this even allowed?

Federal law doesn't require breaks, but when employers offer short ones — usually 20 minutes or less — the Department of Labor says they count as paid work time for hourly (non-exempt) workers. Want to see the rest of your hidden hours? Try theReal Hourly Wage Calculator.

FAQ

How is the "paid to poop" amount calculated?

Your annual salary is divided by 12, then by your monthly working hours to get an hourly rate. That rate is multiplied by the time you spend in the bathroom over a year: minutes per visit × visits per day × workdays per week × 52.

Are bathroom breaks paid time?

Federal law doesn't require breaks, but when employers offer short ones (usually 20 minutes or less), the U.S. Department of Labor says they count as paid work time for hourly (non-exempt) workers under the FLSA. This calculator is for fun, though, not legal advice.

Why is the default salary $64,000?

It's close to the median for full-time workers: the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported median weekly earnings of $1,232 in the third quarter of 2026, or about $64,000 a year. Change it to your own salary.

Does it subtract holidays and vacation?

No. It assumes you work 52 weeks a year, so the result is a little high if you take time off. Lower your workdays per week if you want to account for it.

Sources and updates

Last updated:

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